I'm sprung on someone things are looking up

Going through so much stress at home and having so much fun at work meeting someone new again. So much I need to tell you I just want to talk about Carl. All I talk about is Carl, I just sat with my cusion to catch up and she said, "you said you were afraid you weren't going to find someone, now look." It made me smile cause he's what I was thinking I wouldn't find. Someone who I had in mind, someone with everything I'm looking for. It's hard to find someone who has what you're looking for inside and out. I can't believe I'm thinking so fast. I don't want to be scary. Lol but Carl lives his mom his family and is one year younger than me. Lol, not that age matters. We look so cute together and we have been going out every weekend, and only want to see more of eachother. We work together so we try to keep that separate. I don't think he wants to keep hiding from work but I don't want to get moved away from it line. He doesn't want to keep it a secret cause when we are out people know I'm with him! He so good for me, a good influence to my person. My mind has this little Carl conscious already helping me stop bad habits. I could go on and on but I think I'm going to stop myself here. I can just write more blog laters.

Carl Dobyns is my boyfriend! I so happy!

Wow where am I now?

So, I'm sitting here in a room I'm renting and thinking about how life changes so strangely. I'm finally with my cat and with a job that makes me happy.
I'm not with any guys yet but I'm starting to think of being with another person. I don't know what's gong to happen. I have so many suitors, all asking me if I'm available.
Sometimes I wonder, it's crazy to think that I'm the hottest thing but I look around a realize I might be cause the hot bitch I see could be ugly on the inside? And there really isn't that many hott girls around, and other ones are taken.
I can't believe how life changes.
I misses the path I was on, but moving on is working out so well.
Do I feel guilty or am I just sad I didn't grieve the same or the way I would have if Jason didn't tell me not to?
I miss my best friend, he broke my heart leaving me here, but I'm doing okay.

I think

First kiss after my loss

I wasn't sure if I was ready. I didn't even know what I was going to feel. I thought I would cry or stop or think about Jason and only Jason.

I can't believe how much I wanted to keep going, I had to stop myself just cause that wasn't even a date that you call a date. Let alone the first time talking to someone new.

Well I did think of Jason when I got in the moment a few times but not enough to cry but to slow down.

Now it's all over I had a hicky to show for it and nothing more.

I was thinking I would get a chance to see how far I'm ready to go.

But for now that's I far as I know I'm ready. So idk.

So long ... you're loss not mine. I had my best and he's gone before me. All I can do is move on and wait for more to come my way.

I am picky soo don't bother me unless your hot shit!

Ready for the next one.

My face

One day in 2011 before October, I came home from ... well maybe work I guess I will have to find out but I was Woking at Geo Tek.

Which I Loved that job more than anything I have ever done, ever!!! (Another story)

Back to the story, I came home and Jason had a picture of me drawn up, he said it was completely from memory, and that it was better than any picture of me cause he couldn't find any he liked.

I had been asking if he would ever draw me and; of course I was thinking of being there for it, but this was nice.

I was very happy, and grateful, and excited that he thought me.

I'm glad I have it, I'm just happy there's one thing I wanted done before it was on my list of things I will miss out on. from now on anything I think of that we ment to do and didn't it's almost like a list of regret but it's not something I could of changed cause it didn't happen then and it can't happen now for sure!!!

March 30 2013

The day that has changed everything I do for the rest of my life. Of course you know a day like this is in the future, it's inevitable.  I lost the love of my life we were engaged to be married, we would of already did it but he wanted to have his mother there. 

Jan 10 2013

The day I was asked to marry him.

No time to get a ring in three months so what now?

Realizing life sucks doesn't change, that it has always sucked!

It just marks a moment that you can't get back, plans that were, that can't be.

Regret is a word that works for that but if its not your regret than how can the dead regret anything?

Maybe this entry doesn't make since to you. Maybe I will read it later and I will have a hard time making since myself, but that will be years from now and I need to get this in here now so this is what you get!

My man my dress my love my life

So I shop at thrift stores sometimes much more fun ... and when I had a dress day I went all-out. I never look at labels or sizes I just grab the colors I like and the ones I love. So I was after yellow all year long and got many another black and yellow dress and don't really like either one anymore. So when I get home I find the one I get is 3x but I'm like no no no that's not right so it comes that the dress is made with this ultra stretchy material and its supposed to be a tight dress so it looks good on me cause it's so loose it hangs everywhere. Not momo-style it's hanged just right on the right spots.

Really the story is that I hate the dress but Jason likes it on me so I keep it. That's how much I love him when he complements me it makes it all worth it.

CherylAnn

I loved you too as if my own mother.  I loved you then and always will.  The feelings I have, I feel they have been hard pressed.  I have been wanting to talk about you so much over all the years.   When I found out that I had not known and that everyone knew and didn't tell me, really how could they not think it was important to me to know.  I loved her too.  I want to know I want to see her, I can not imagine that I don't get to talk to her. 

CherylAnn, Holly, & Chrissy

We used to go camping in mammoth I loved it.  We would sing songs the whole way.

"We are the Unicorns the pretty pretty unicorns, and if you don't hear us well shout a little louder, ... " we go up in volume and repeat over and over
(The bold words would always change on how we felt!)

Marching and hiking up the mountain to camp out.